Hello Dr. Ora Golan, an expert in neutralizing emotional barriers from the Ora Golan Center, today we will talk about dealing with fertility problems.
I want to start with an example: a 36-year-old man came to me who has one 5-year-old child, and for four years now he and his partner have been trying to get pregnant and have another child but they are not succeeding. When they did tests, they found that the problem was with him and that his sperm count was low. This created unbearable tensions in the family. His wife throws bites and remarks, it’s also something unpleasant to expose him to, and he himself has been preyed upon by it. He says that overall he is a person who is terribly happy in his part. He says’ I always applaud people, and I feel like I’m starting to envy others.
I do not know myself that way and I hate myself that way. ‘ He has siblings with older children and he says that ‘when they were born, even before I got married, I would come and play with my nephews and they would be very happy to be with me, but today I can not be with other people’s children, and I can not hear stories. Where I do not go I hear, even when I go to my parents I hear about the other grandchildren. ‘
He did the treatment to neutralize the emotional barriers. This of course can not change the physiological problem, he needs to treat it medically, but it has changed the focus and coping. First of all he made a decision that there is one child and that attention should be paid to him. He started spending quality time with the kid. In addition he entered the forums on the internet and thus he also remained anonymous, and also received information. He spoke to the doctor in a matter-of-fact manner, examining other options. Not sure you have to go for other options but when you look at them it already allows you to see things differently, at least to feel ‘okay, this is not an option I want but I’m starting to learn a bit about it.
Where is the difficulty of women and men dealing with fertility problems?
The difficulty first of all is great, because a couple who marries and matures for a child, it is the most natural thing. When fertility problems begin, a great deal of pressure begins both within and around the relationship. Everyone knows because if some reasonable time passes after a wedding, the questions, comments, start looking at a woman on the belly. Everyone knows, and you feel like you’re walking down the street and everyone knows you have a problem. All focus becomes into this problem. In women, a woman feels that her body has betrayed her, that she is not equal, and that she is wrong. That she had lost her important role in life as a mother. In men, the man often feels that his masculinity is impaired. Men find it even harder to talk about it and say they have a sperm count problem, so they are more introverted. The anonymity and difficulty of talking about it is very emotionally burdensome for them.
How is the treatment conducted?
Therapy neutralizes emotional barriers associated with coping with failure, competition, success, coping with lack of control, and competitiveness. Sometimes if necessary, additional barriers can be neutralized to allow it to be dealt with better. The difficulty in fertility treatments is very great, it is clear to everyone that it is great. We all want to be healthy and functional, but why is it so difficult with fertility? There are diseases that are much more severe, that are life threatening and cause a lot of suffering. For example diabetes, but it is more socially legitimate.
Fertility treatments cause the problem but the problem itself is not much suffering, the treatments are yes but the problem itself does not cause much physical suffering to the couple, and do not meet it until they are really trying to have children. The difficulty is social, there is no social legitimacy. One time the patients told me something creepy, she told me ‘I’d rather have cancer than fertility problems’. When we neutralize emotional barriers it allows people options, it opens up options and one can make choices and think differently.
Is the investment in fertility treatments, which are a very great suffering for a woman, both for her body and mentally, worthwhile to do so? Do you take intervals? Think of other directions that at first are sometimes outright denied? Then, just basically the fact that you start learning about other ways and directions sometimes things work out just because the focus has changed.
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