Hello Dr. Ora Golan, an expert in neutralizing emotional barriers from the Ora Golan Center, today we will discuss a sensitive issue – infidelity between spouses.
To better understand the sensitivity and complexity of the subject I want to start by giving two examples;
* First example: Inbal, 30, newly married, without children. Eyal, her husband, a lawyer who has progressed and moved to a large firm with a number of secretaries and his personal secretary. This situation began to drive Inbal crazy who kept suspecting he was having an affair with his personal secretary. During the day, Inbal harassed Eyal with endless phone calls, when he returned home he would go through a series of investigations that would not embarrass any secret agent and had to present a detailed schedule of what, when and where he was and / or did. Eyal did not stop denying the suspicions attributed to him and not really Understood what Inbal wants from him, m newlyweds, is the woman he loves why she is bribing his life?
Inbal came to the treatment of neutralizing the emotional barriers in six stages: dealing with failure, competition, success, lack of control and competitiveness, at the end of the treatment Inbal managed to leave the issue because it was no longer there and she and Eyal returned to the good and loving relationship they had in the first place.
* Second example: Meital and Yoav, a couple aged 40, parents of three children. Meital discovered that Yoav had some kind of relationship with another woman. Meital and Yoav went through a crisis in their relationship and a difficult upheaval in the family, but in the end they decided to stay together. Despite the joint decision Meital was unable to break free; She constantly suspects Yoav, she wants him to compensate her for the betrayal, humiliation, anger and hurt. Meital wants Yoav to feel “obliged” and reprimanded to be in the position of the “beggar” who will have to apologize for his actions all the time, that he will have nothing of course. Yoav does regret the stumble he sent and wants to rebuild his relationship with Meital, but feels that no matter what he says and / or does, Meital will always criticize him and will not be satisfied. The situation came to the point that Yoav began to think of alternatives not out of choice but out of despair and helplessness in his dealing with the existing situation.
In this case they both came for treatment. Not for couple therapy, each of them did the therapy individually. They did a treatment of neutralizing the emotional barriers and dealing with failure, competition, success, dealing with lack of control and also the ability to take care of themselves, and a few other things that helped each one clear his own barriers. The privacy and discretion in the treatment is maintained and neither of them knew what the other was going through during the treatment. Eventually they were able to rebuild the relationship, learned to invest in the relationship and make time for themselves “together”; Once every two weeks to go to a movie, a restaurant or any other joint activity and once in a while for the weekend and most importantly, they managed to put behind them the story of the betrayal and move on together, as a strengthened couple with a common goal ..
Is it even possible to overcome betrayal?
Yes, betrayal can always be overcome; Overcoming infidelity does not always require the restoration of that relationship, but it certainly puts us in front of the desire and decision that the next relationship system will be better. This can be a marital system with the same spouse or with another spouse.
* Does everyone who experiences infidelity undergo the same treatment?
The treatment is the same for anyone who has been betrayed by a woman or a man. When people experience betrayal, they feel very weakened and unattractive. Usually the focus is on the unfaithful spouse: what he did and why, and the unfaithful who feels like a victim. Once the emotional barriers are neutralized, the focus shifts from the traitor to the traitor who actually came to take care of himself following the betrayal. The treatment puts the traitor in the center of the stage places the betrayal as an existing situation – a fact and helped him see things in proportion and decide how he wants to proceed from this point: does he want to be angry, offended to feel victimized or rehabilitate himself and move on.
* So in fact the focus is on the traitor and not the traitor?
Yes, what he needs to do now and where he wants to go. Staying, getting angry and offended are not good options. At least not for long.
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