Dr. Ora Golan – on over-concern

Hello Dr. Ora Golan, an expert in neutralizing emotional barriers from the Ora Golan Center, today we will talk about a very common topic: excessive worries. What does it mean to worry too much?

I’ll start by giving an example. A mother who brought a 12-year-old girl to treatment who suffers terribly from fear. It’s hard for her to go home alone and heat food for herself, there are always phone calls for mom, she does not go to friends, she has to be afraid to sleep alone at night, afraid of the dark. Things that are typical of younger ages like clinging to mom.

When we wanted to do the treatment for the girl she refused to get the treatment. We suggested to the mother to do the treatment in her place, and that the girl would come at a later stage when she was more mature, and the mother agreed. We did the treatment for the mother to neutralize emotional barriers, first to her coping with the failure of competition and success, and then to her coping with the competition, failure and success of the children. During and at the end of the treatment, the change happened in the girl. She suddenly stopped being afraid, she started functioning. She did not do the treatment at all and did not know when the mother came for treatment but something changed in the mother and it changed the whole behavior pattern in the girl.

But the girl is the one who suffers from the fears so what is the point of caring for the parent?

ההורים הם הסביבה הרגשית של הילדים, ולכן אם יש להם מחסומים רגשיים שהם אפילו לא מודעים אליהם, אז בצורה לא מודעת וכמובן לא מכוונת הם יכולים להזין פחדים אצל הילדים. והרבה פעמים מתוך הרצון והדאגה הכי חזקים, הם מזינים פחדים אצל הילדים. ברגע שמנטרלים להורים, אפילו לאחד מהם, את המחסומים הרגשיים, גם היכולת שלהם להתמודד עם תחרות, כשלון והצלחה וגם היכולת של הילדים להתמודד עם תחרות, כשלון והצלחה משתפרות, ואז פתאום הם מסוגלים לשחרר.

דאגנות היתר יכולה להיות דבר נורא מעיק. בין אם זה פחד ממחלות, מתאונות, מלאפשר לילד להיכשל, לטעות, לקחת בפרופרוציה, גם את הכישלון שלו וגם את הטעות. גם לילד וגם להורה לפעמים קשה מאוד להכיל גם כישלון של הילד וגם הצלחה, הצלחה לפעמים לא פחות קשה להכיל מכישלון.

אז כדאי לכל הורה- לא רק להורה שסובל מדאגנות יתר?

All parents should do this, because many times the parents are not aware at all. The parents say ‘I have no problem I let the child make a mistake, I have no problem that something will happen to the child and that he will learn on his own’. It may be from doing the lessons or not, after, allowing the child to learn the consequences of the mistakes. How do we learn if we do not make mistakes? And it is best to do them when they are small.

A lot of parents say ‘no, I have no problem and I trust the child’, and then when examiners see that they have emotional barriers in the matter, and in fact over-concern conveys to children, in the most unintentional way, the fact that the parents do not trust them. Demanding society also has an impact. The parents want to move the children on the bridges all the time without mistakes, but it is impossible to move forward in this way in life.

Thank you very much Dr. Ora Golan.