Hello Dr. Ora Golan, an expert in neutralizing emotional barriers from the Ora Golan Center, today we will talk about a very sensitive issue – adoption. Adopted children. What typical problems do you encounter in adopted children?
This is a very important question, and it is a very important issue. I want to start with an example. An 8-year-old boy who had very severe social problems came to me; He was violent and would often translate certain situations as if others were laughing at him. He has ADHD and has had a hard time integrating into society. Parents of other children have also refrained from inviting him because they did not want to get involved with him. He got some ‘name’. He was adopted at the age of a year and a half and the parents did not know the history of what was before, only knew he was in an orphanage but did not know his history.
What is good about treating emotional barriers is that because the body knows and the emotional system remembers everything that happened to us from the age of fetal formation to the present, one can identify the emotional barriers in the early stages. The goal is not to know exactly what was, but simply to clear what is running, so that there are no socially unacceptable patterns.
In his case he got everything he needed in terms of food, food and clothing, but apparently there were not enough stimuli and there was not enough regular character to take care of him at that time. And really there was fear, anxiety and abandonment anxieties, and too little touch. Once these things are identified and the emotional barriers are neutralized from the early stages, in his case first of all he began to perceive what he was doing, because he was not at all aware of how he was getting into these situations. He started recognizing already at an earlier stage when things angered him or insulted him and then he had more tools to deal with it. He also calmed down more so friends started connecting with him, and also in terms of attention and concentration there was more concentration so he could absorb the information more.
Really many times children who have attachment to a parent, or those who feel abandonment anxiety, difficulty trusting adults, a certain social difficulty, after that when they grow up they more feel a sense of ‘someone did not want me, rejected me.’
The treatment is recommended for all adopted children, even without special problems?
The treatment is recommended for all adopted children because sometimes we do not know how to identify the problems. There are things that run us and we do not know how to recognize them, and when you clean things at very early stages you can gain a lot from it. The goal of the treatment is instead to focus on ‘they didn’t want me, someone rejected me’, to address the fact that there was a woman who carried the adopted child in the womb, but that it was not the right time for her to raise him. The adoptive parents, on the other hand, for them is just the right timing, and the child has reached a family where he grew up in much better conditions than if he had grown up where he was born. When he can change the focus, he sees that there is a big profit there for him and that is the goal of the treatment.
Is it recommended that the adopted parent and child undergo the treatment together?
Yes, first of all it is recommended for parents when they are at all just in the process of thinking about adoption. It is a very difficult process; Recognition that the child could not be brought by other means. It has a lot of issues of money, logistics, organization; Processes are very long and sometimes exhausting and frustrating. Then the child arrives and you do not know exactly what package he came with, and all sorts of problems that do not know if they are related to the development of the child or to the child’s past. Once parents do the treatment even before the adoption process and clears their emotional barriers, they can put things in proportion, make better choices, and also give the child more correct direction. Adopted children, always had some kind of experience. A child should naturally be in the person he was born to, that is, grow up with the same character. Once there is this change, it weighs heavily on the emotional system, but it can be addressed and does not need that heaviness to stay there.
Thank you, Dr. Ora Golan.
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