Hello Dr. Ora Golan, an expert in neutralizing emotional barriers from the Ora Golan Center, today we will talk about improving negative relationship patterns. How can relationship patterns be improved?
Sometimes people get into a relationship into negative patterns that have a very hard time affecting the relationship and can weaken it and prevent it from surviving. On the other hand, even if it survives, it is at a very high erosion price of the couple, who can pay for it in their health. I will give some examples of paired systems with negative patterns:
* Example # 1 – Fear of being left alone.
There is a dependent relationship where what feeds it and allows the couple to stay together despite the suffering they go through which can include humiliation, insults and even abuse of each other, is the fear of being left alone .
Neta, 52, divorced, is in a relationship with Yair, a very successful businessman. His image is of a highly esteemed person whom very senior people in the economy consult. No one imagines that this respectable and esteemed man becomes an insulting man who screams and attacks his partner and children from his previous marriage. On one occasion, Yair invited friends to dinner and asked Neta to prepare the meal. Neta happily agreed because she is an excellent cook and also very much enjoys it, but from the moment she entered the kitchen and began the craft of cooking the criticism and poignant comments were not long in coming. Everything Neta did and / or prepared received negative criticism from him and of course not in a pleasant way. In the end the meal was successful and the friends even complimented, as usual only Yair Neta was not satisfied.
When Neta came for treatment, it was not clear to her why she was staying in the relationship, and every time they break up they come back with after Yair apologizes. Once Neta did the treatment and neutralized the emotional barriers that ran her, she was able to set boundaries; If not to say goodbye then go to her house, stay away. Not to stay there in the disgusting and insulting place, and in addition to setting boundaries for herself as well, to have it clear to her what she is willing to absorb and what she is not. Yair of course refused to come for treatment, but as soon as Neta reacted differently and cleared the barriers with her, she actually changed the nature of the relationship.
* Example No. 2 – Property ownership.
There is a property relationship – when the jealousy between the couple goes beyond all proportion;
She does not agree that he should look, talk or treat girls. He does not agree that she should look at guys, sometimes at a level where the couple dictates to each other how each one will dress and behave, and in fact actually strangles each other. It can be something very abrasive and unbearable.
* How can I diagnose myself if I am in one of these patterns of relationships?
If you are in a relationship that is not fun for you in a relationship; There are always quarrels, tensions or arguments, but there is no fun and no longing, no falling in love and no desire to be together but there is a desire to get away – although occasionally it’s okay to get away, so you should come and take care. Both spouses should come. It is true that the two will not always agree, but the one who recognizes that he is not good in a relationship can come and it will affect the other as well. During therapy one examines how each one copes with failure, competition and success, with lack of control and how well you take care of yourself. The treatment lasts about 10 sessions. I also take care of femininity and masculinity, how much peace I live with myself, and also the ability to make contact and / or break up. These are people who have very big difficulties and then they are locked into patterns that are not right for them.
* So there is hope and can almost any pattern of intimacy be improved?
It can be improved, and the next relationship needs to be better. It does not matter if the new relationship is with the same spouse or with another spouse, one should strive to reach a relationship that is good and nourishing over a long period of time.
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